Teen Talk Tuesday
Will hockey players save us from the Virgin-Beast Trope?
The Virgin-Beast Trope
For many teens (and folks of any age, really), the stories they consume aren’t just entertainment — they’re seeds, and sometimes templates. Ten years ago, I wrote a blog post examining how popular fictional heterosexual couples often romanticize harmful power imbalances, pairing an aggressive, dangerous male partner with a submissive and naïve female partner. That piece turned into an invited article for the Huffington Post and a peer-reviewed journal article where we coined this concept, the Virgin-Beast Trope.
This pattern in the most compelling love stories hinges on a so-called “bad boy” whose rough edges, possessiveness, or emotional violence are interpreted as irresistible and romantic. In Beauty and the Beast, Belle falls for a literal beast who traps her in his castle and controls what she eats and wears. In Twilight, the primary romantic tension stems from Edward (a vampire) trying not to kill Bella, while his stalking is seen as devotion and protection. In Fifty Shades of Grey, Christian’s control and manipulation of Anastasia are masqueraded as a bonus feature of BDSM. The Virgin-Beast Trope blurs lines between love and danger, suggesting to female audiences that drama, fear, and pain are the price we pay for true love.
Can Equal Partners have Great Sex?
Fast forward to today, and Heated Rivalry — the Canadian hockey romance that became an unexpected global sensation — gives us something very different: a sexy love story grounded in equality, vulnerability, and authenticity.
At its heart, Heated Rivalry follows Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, two professional hockey players at odds on the ice who develop a deep, intimate relationship off it. Their connection isn’t built on danger, dominance, or emotional sabotage. It unfolds over years of mutual attraction, secret longing, cultural difference, and eventually openness — not violence, obsession, or emotional manipulation.
It is not that we haven’t seen healthy romantic relationships in fiction before, but so rarely are the super hot and passionate depictions of sex between two people who share equal social power. Shane and Ilya’s sexual relationship is steamy — but the steam comes from emotional honesty, consent, and mutual desire, not coercion and domination. They are equals: both have agency, both struggle with identity in different ways, and both choose vulnerability over dominance when they’re together. That’s not just romance with sparks — it’s sexual connection that is rooted in mutual respect.
For Teens, Fictional Romance is Reality
Teens learn a lot about sex from fiction, because they haven’t had much of the non-fiction experience yet. Our teens are swimming in romantic stories and also porn. They read, they watch, they compare, and they learn what we as academics call ‘sexual scripts,’ like a script of a film or play that dictates what should happen. They absorb all of this long before they’ve had enough real-life experience to contextualize what they’re consuming, in the way most adults can.
When the romantic and erotic fiction girls consume consists of a love story or a porn scene where control and domination is disguised as passion, it shapes expectations: love hurts; love endures emotional (and sometimes physical) pain; one should be patient for a partner to change; true love conquers all.
Stories like Heated Rivalry offer a different lesson: passion can grow from vulnerability, hot sex doesn’t have to be controlling or dangerous, and love requires mutual respect. It doesn’t delete desire — it reframes it. It doesn’t celebrate emotional self-sacrifice — it celebrates mutual understanding and growth.
In a world of dopamine-fueled, high-stakes storytelling, Heated Rivalry is signaling something different. Passionate sex doesn’t have to be predicated on power imbalances. In a media landscape where the romantic relationships with the least power imbalances are featured on Hallmark, whereas teen relationships are depicted as sexually dark and dangerous on shows like Euphoria, something like Heated Rivalry (and young women’s obsession with it) should demonstrate to storytellers that there is indeed an audience who wants to read and watch exciting sexual relationships that aren’t steeped in self-destruction.
Teen Talk Tips
I’m not suggesting that teens should read or watch Heated Rivalry. But if you have an avid reader or audiobook lover, chances are they’ve read or listened to the popular book series by Rachel Reid on Hoopla. Here are healthy sexual relationship messages that you can communicate to teens without mentioning the book or television series specifically (if you do not want to).
1. Desire Thrives Without Ownership
Shane and Ilya never frame each other as prizes to be won or possessions to be guarded. Even when emotions deepen, neither assumes entitlement to the other’s body or future.
Freedom and autonomy (not coercive control) can create sexual tension. When there is no coercion, no “you owe me,” desire is hotter because it is voluntary.
Wanting someone who does not need you but wants you back creates real electricity.
2. Clear Consent Heightens Anticipation
Their sexual encounters are marked by checking in, reading cues, and responding to each other’s comfort and enthusiasm. It isn’t clinical or awkward. It’s attuned.
Attunement slows things down just enough to build anticipation. When you notice breath, hesitation, and eagerness, partners can respond rather than take.
Being seen and responded to amplifies sensation. Mutual awareness turns intimacy into collaboration, not conquest.
3. Emotional Vulnerability is Foreplay
Unlike the Virgin-Beast Trope, where emotional distance is framed as seductive, Heated Rivalry shows emotional openness as a turn-on.
When moments of honesty, fear, differences, or future uncertainty precede sexual encounters, it deepens the intimacy.
Emotional exposure deepens physical connection rather than interrupting it.
4. Sex Doesn’t “Fix” People
Neither Shane nor Ilya is healed, redeemed, or softened by sex alone. Their relationship grows because they talk, reflect, and respect each other’s boundaries.
Sex isn’t a reward for endurance or suffering. It’s a shared experience between two competent partners.
Sex that isn’t transactional feels freer, more playful, and more mutual.
5. Power Is Contextual, Not Relational
On the ice, they’re rivals. In public, they face different risks. In private, power constantly shifts based on context, not gender, size, or emotional control.
Fluidity in power supports the growth in relationship dynamics, so both partners can evolve as individuals, together.
Power that shifts instead of dominates keeps desire alive without causing harm.
Fantastic framing of the sexual script problem. The observation about equal power creating tension through genuine desire rather than coercion is critical. I mentored a teen who internalized the idea that drama equaled passion, and untangling that took months. Fiction isn't harmless when its the primary source of relationshp modeling before real-world experience kicks in.